Recognising the Signs of Abuse
Abuse is a pattern of behaviour used to gain power and control. It can be subtle or overt.
About Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse isn’t just physical. It includes controlling, coercive, threatening and degrading behaviour, usually by a partner or ex-partner, but also by a family member or carer. It can also include financial control, belittling someone, isolating them from their friends and family, making threats to children or pets, controlling who they see or what they do or sexual violence. Living with domestic abuse can cause long term emotional as well as physical harm.
Despite the fact that domestic abuse is common, it is under-reported. Some people may not be aware that what is happening to them is domestic abuse and some people do not tell anyone because they feel ashamed or that in some way it is their fault but this is never the case. If you are being abused, you are not alone, and it is not your fault.
"When we support a victim or survivor, we listen to them and treat them as an individual with their own unique experiences finding the support that is right for them."- Guardian Angel
Who is affected?
Anyone can be a victim of abuse and at Guardian Angel, we support every survivor, irrespective of their gender.
It’s estimated that one woman is killed by her male partner or former partner every four days in England and Wales and at least 1 in 3 women and up to 1 in 9 men have been subject to domestic abuse. Whilst young women, disabled women and lesbian, gay, bi and trans people are most at risk of experiencing abuse in their relationships. Studies also show that women are more likely to experience multiple incidents of abuse, different types of domestic abuse, and sexual violence.
We recognise that everyone’s experience of abuse will be different, we understand that society does not treat everyone equally and that there are multiple forms of discrimination and violence that some people can face such as forced marriage, female genital mutilation and so-called “honour crimes” which will impact on their experience.
What are the different types of domestic abuse?
An act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.
Constant criticism, insults, belittling, gaslighting (making you doubt your own sanity), and manipulating you or your children.
Any form of physical violence including slapping, pushing, hitting, kicking, choking, or using weapons.
Any sexual act without consent. This includes rape, sexual assault, pressuring you into sex, and refusing to use protection.
Monitoring your social media, sharing private photos without consent, using tracking devices, and sending harassing messages.
Controlling your access to money, putting you in debt, or preventing you from working or studying.
A pattern of repeated, unwanted attention and contact that causes you to feel fear or distress. This can be online or in person.
When you face physical or emotional pressure to marry someone against your will.
Abuse committed to 'protect' or 'defend' the so-called honour of a family or community, which can include controlling behaviour, violence, and forced marriage.
A procedure where the female genitals are deliberately cut or changed for non-medical reasons. It is illegal in the UK and a form of child abuse.
Are you in an abusive relationship?
If you answer yes to any of the following questions, you might be experiencing domestic abuse. Remember, you are not alone, and it is not your fault.
- Constantly putting you down, insulting you, or humiliating you?
- Blaming you for their own behaviour or for arguments?
- Denying that abuse is happening, or downplaying it (gaslighting)?
- Telling you what to wear, who to see, where to go, and what to think?
- Threatening to hurt you, the children, or themselves if you leave?
- Isolating you from your family and friends?
- Monitoring your time or making you account for your whereabouts?
- Reading your emails, texts or letters without permission?
- Stopping you from going to work or college?
- Making unreasonable demands for your attention?
- Controlling your money?
- Not giving you enough money to buy food or other essential things?
- Forcing you to take out loans or credit in your name?
- Making you explain every penny you spend?
- Accusing you of flirting or having affairs?
- Threatening to destroy things that belong to you?
- Harassing or following you, online or in person?
- Threatening to report you to social services or other agencies to get the children taken away?
- Threatening to reveal private information about you (e.g., sexuality, health status)?
- Slapping, hitting, kicking, or punching you?
- Pushing or shoving you?
- Choking you, holding you down, or restraining you?
- Throwing objects to hurt or intimidate you?
- Denying you medical care when you need it?
- Touching you in a way you do not want to be touched?
- Pressuring or forcing you to have sex or perform sexual acts?
- Ignoring your feelings or wishes about sex?
- Hurting you during sex?
- Pressuring you to have unsafe sex – for example, not using a condom?
The Core Questions
Have you ever felt afraid of your partner?
Have you ever changed your behaviour because you're afraid of what your partner might do?
If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, there are lots of people who can help you. Visit our Rapid Connect page to find support.
If you're still unsure if you're experiencing abuse, why not take the short, confidential quiz from our friends at IDAS?